i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
