just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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