in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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