I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
