Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sext me about skeletons
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
