trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
God I need to hump something, right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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