we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
