I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I party with great urgency now.
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