umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
