I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
