Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
