You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Text me some of your sweat
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
