We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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