Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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