Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
