I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
