We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
