Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
