I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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