I bet he comes in French.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
