I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
