I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
