What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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