i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
