Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
