You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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