she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
