I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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