I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
