Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
