Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
