I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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