I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
