If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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