Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
third nipple confirmed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
