Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
