Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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