I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
