He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
