Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
