Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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