i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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