She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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