Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
