i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
