We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
