Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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