Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
