This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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