hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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