is your mom at the bar?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
